Tuesday, October 2, 2007

My life is a venn diagram...

I live in three separate worlds: mommy land, work, and school. I'm finding it so difficult to manage all three. Someone gave me the advice that when I'm with Aidan I should think only of her, when I'm at work just think about work etc. I've tried that. But when I'm rocking my baby to sleep I can't help but think about the 5 page paper I have due. When I'm trying to focus on learning something new at work my mind drifts to wondering what Aidan is doing, if she knows that I'm not there. There's just no way to keep these worlds from overlapping. I feel like I could manage any two of these worlds, but three is kicking my butt (sorry Mom).

I keep telling myself that I can do anything for a year. Most of the time I'm okay. I just keep moving, thinking only about the next 5 minutes, the next hour. But sometimes, like today, it catches up with me and I feel so overwhelmed.

Sometimes I think that God is trying to teach me a lesson about how precious time is. I can't help but think of all the time I wasted doing absolutely NOTHING. Maybe I'm paying for it now.

This is one of those posts that I will probably be embarrassed about tomorrow. But I feel better putting my feelings into words.

Incidentally Venn diagrams are one of the few things that I ever learned in math class that I actually retained and understood. So thank you Sequoyah Middle School, you did not teach in vain.


Aubrey said...

That is a lot to balance! You appear to be doing a wonderful job, although I can't imagine how hard it must be!!! I could barely work full time. I can't imagine going to school and being a mom all at the same time. You're doing an awesome job, on the outside, even when you feel like a wreck on the inside! I'll keep you in my prayers! I can't imagine how exhausted and stressed you must be!

Summer Lashley said...

"For everything there is a season..." I tell myself this quite bit. What is funny (and sad) for me is that no matter what season I am in, I am always looking forward to the next. I don't know what that says about my life but I don't think it is good.
I am praying for you and that your family gets through this season. I am impressed, you are a super-woman.